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62 Things the Avengers are Not Allowed to Do.

1. Tony is not allowed to replace the entire contents of the cafeteria with pop-tarts just because Thor has declared it the ‘food of the gods.’

2. Natasha is not allowed to interrogate new S.H.I.E.L.D. employees and dispose of the ones she deems unworthy.

3. Clint is not allowed to continue insisting that is the final step of the interview process to terrified new hires.

4. Tony is not allowed to broadcast sing-along songs into the Hulk-cage, no matter amusing he finds teaching Hulk “Teddy Bear, Teddy Bear, turn around”

5. Clint is not allowed to put the security feed of the Hulk’s Teddy Bear dance on Youtube.

6. Bruce is not allowed to hack into personnel files to look up blackmail material on Director Fury.

7. Tony is not allowed to insist that he’s already done so and that Fury’s middle name is Rainbow Sprinkles…. Because it isn’t.

8. Thor is not allowed to be naked at Headquarters. Ever.

9. Steve is not allowed to address any female S.H.I.E.L.D. agents as ‘little lady,’ ‘broad,’ or ‘dame.’ It only ends in getting slapped.

10. Agent Coulson’s name isn’t “Mom.”

11. Director Fury should never again be addressed as “Dad”

12. Agent Hill is not the Avenger’s wicked stepmother.

13. Clint is not allowed to lurk in the shadowy rafters spying on people, unless specifically instructed to do so for an official S.H.I.E.L.D. sanctioned mission.

14. ‘Operation Irritate the Fuck Out of Nick Fury’ is not an official mission, no matter what Tony or Natasha say to the contrary.

15. Debriefings should not be preceded by tequila shots.

16. Debriefings should not be followed by tequila shots.

17. There are to be no shots of any kind during debriefings.

18. Thor and Hulk will wait to fight until after the battle is over.

19. Tony Stark is not God’s gift to women.

20. The Avengers do not need matching uniforms.

21. Tony and Bruce are not allowed to have a contest to see who can make a bigger “boom” in the lab.

22. Thor is not allowed to join in and make the biggest boom with his hammer.

23. The Avengers will not be celebrating Steve’s 94th birthday.

24. The laboratory is not Tony and Bruce’s ‘Super Secret Genius Clubhouse.’ They are not allowed to bar entry to employees based on IQ test results.

25. The Avengers are not making a promotional pin-up calendar. Or a sex tape.

26. Iron Man is not making a promotional pin-up calendar. Or a sex tape.

27. Tony Stark is not making a promotional pin-up calendar. Or a sex tape.

28. Thor is not allowed to ‘bring down the wrath of Odinson’ on the person who ate the last package of pop-tarts.

29. Pants are not optional at team meetings.

30. ‘Pepper said it was okay’ is not a good enough reason to defy a director order from command.

31. The words “What’s the worst that could happen?” are never to be uttered on a mission ever again.

32. MC Hammer did not write Thor a theme song.

33. Gumby is not the love child of Bruce Banner and Reed Richards.

34. Natasha and Clint are not allowed to impersonate members of the clergy ever again. Ever.

35. Blasting ‘Don’t Worry, Be Happy’ at top volume into Bruce’s room on loop overnight is not an effective way to suppress the Hulk.

36. Hawkeye is not sitting in the rafters waiting to pick off people playing Galaga on their computer during work hours.

37. Tony is not allowed to bribe Natasha and Clint to physically, emotionally or psychologically torture General Ross for being ‘a great big douchebucket’ and ‘being mean to Brucie-kins.’

38. Steve is ‘Captain America’ not ‘Captain New York and those 49 other, lesser states.’

39. ‘Hulk SMASH!’ is not an effective diplomatic policy.

40. Tony is not allowed to buy the Dodgers and move them back to Brooklyn to apologize for lighting Steve’s hair on fire.

41. The phrase ‘Trust me, I’m a doctor’ never leads anywhere good.

42. It is not funny to dare Bruce to drink three quarts of green food coloring before a urine test.

43. Steve is not to be introduced as ‘Captain Tightpants’ or ‘The All-American Virgin.’

44. The Avengers do not ‘charge into battle, naked like the Celts.’ Except for The Hulk. Sometimes.

45. Natasha’s glare is not in fact fatal. Tony is not allowed to continue implying that it is.

46. Tony is not allowed to convince Bruce to help him make death ray goggles so that it will be.

47. The Avengers are not allowed to overthrow the American government, just because they didn’t like the results from the last election.

48. The Avengers are not allowed to overthrow any government, without checking in with S.H.I.E.L.D. first.

49. Clint is not allowed to sell Thor any ‘magic beans.’

50. Natasha and Clint are not allowed to try to sell Tony to another planet, even if they are promised really cool new weapons in exchange.

51. Tony and Bruce are not allowed to go to any science conferences without a chaperone.

52. A robot Tony built does not count as a chaperone.

53. Nikola Tesla is not a vampire being held in the bowels of S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters.

54. Tony and Bruce are not allowed to go searching for him in the name of Science!

55. Clint’s super-power is not ‘being super-annoying.’

56. The following words and phrases are never to be uttered over communication devices during an active mission ever again:

“Exploring sexuality,” “Necrophilia,” “It’s getting hot in herr, so take off all your clothes,” “I hate everyone on this mission and I wish they’d die in a fire,” “Nick Fury can go suck on a big bag of sausages,” references to Bruce’s giant stash of weed, mention of anyone’s erection, or “Shawarma.”

57. If it makes Tony giggle for more than 30 seconds, it isn’t allowed.

58. If it makes Natasha crack a smile, it’s probably illegal.

59. Thor taking Jane to see Asgard does not count as an alien abduction. Clint should stop referring to it as such.

60. Just because Bruce agreed to work in Tony’s lab, does not mean he needs to get a “Property of Stark Industries” tattoo.

61. Tony is not allowed to design a robot to draw said tattoo on Bruce when he falls asleep in the lab.

62. Post-mission reports to Director Fury should not start out ‘So let me explain…’

thefourteenthdoctor:

1dfangirlpreferences:

thefourteenthdoctor:

zeustreats:

jesuschristvevo:

i wish i had a little toilet and sink in the corner of my room so i wouldnt have to walk all the way to the bathroom

That’s a prison cell

In prison your food gets cooked for you as well. 

I’m beginning to think murdering people I don’t like wouldn’t be such a bad thing.

you do realize that there’s probably police officers on here, right?

oh no what are they going to do send me to prison?

image

(via fangirlmode-overloaded)

nikaalexandra:

finals

kanyelujah:

i was expecting the ‘holy fucking shit, fucking dinosaurs’ but this was just

(via thefaultinourfandoms)

thedeathofablog:

un-be-fucking-lievable:

prongsmydeer:

pottergenes:

james turning down every hogsmeade invitation by telling them he’s going stag

Sirius spreading a rumour that he has a cat just so when people ask him about it he can go, “Nah, I’m a dog person.”

Peter being loud so when a teacher chews him out, he can promise to be “quiet as a mouse”

Remus turning into a fucking werewolf

(via the-last-bad-wolf)

imminentlyginger:

you fucked up

I CAN’T STOP LAUGHING IT HURTS

(Source: becca-morley, via greatcalamitykittensbatman)

oknope:

i followed my heart and it led me into the fridge

(via greatcalamitykittensbatman)

pixyled:

and-down-we-go:

My Mom just accidentally prematurely sent an email to an accounting firm… It was supposed to say ‘I am afraid that we will have to postpone our meeting”

but she hit send when all it said was

Hi Jeffrey,
      I am afraid

THIS POS T GETS ME EVEYRTIME

(via fangirlmode-overloaded)

livin-la-vida-loki-d:

squilf:

#an accurate summary of their entire relationship

There may come a time when I don’t reblog this post but that day is not this day. 

(Source: rachellweisz, via thecomposerrobertfrobisher)

captainchesskelly:

badgerdash-cumberquat:

the—superwholockian:

twistedthicket1:

trypophobic-canine:

perks-of-being-chinese:

heroscafe:

everyonesfavoriteging:

my-weeping-angel:

eatsleepcrap:

syd224:

eatsleepcrap:

wincherlockedintardis:

Even with those four numbers there are countless possible combinations. Good luck with figuring out which one is the right one you punk.

*straightens calculator*
It’s pretty likely that it’s a four digit number, and as there are four digits chosen there, that means that there cannot be any repetition. This means that there are:
n!/(n-4)! possible orders. As ‘n’ is 4 (number of digits available). 4!/0! which becomes 4x3x2x1/1 which simplifies to 24. That means that there are 24 possible combinations of codes. This would take you about two or three minutes to input all possible codes.

Unless an alarm goes off if you don’t get it right in 3 tries.

*straightens calculator again*
Kick the door in.

Well ‘technically’ the code is most likley 1970. Statistically, a majority of people, when told to choose a 4 digit code will choose their birth year. And this key pad is obviously a few years old to put it nicely, so that’s most likley it. 

Some Sherlock Holmes just went down over here.


No, no, no. Don’t base your deductions of psychology. Let’s talk chemistry. When you first press a button, there’s more of the natural oils on your skin, and therefore it wears down the numbers on the keys faster. Obviously 0 is the first one, then. Try 0791 first.

Sherlock out.

Woah.

It got better.

And this is why the Sherlock fandom could either rule the world or end it….

Close, but not quite, I think. People will almost always choose a number they can remember. What’s memorable about 0791? Try 0719 - a birthday, 19th of July. That is more likely.

Those deductions are great and all, but unnecessary.
The light is green.
The door is already open.

And that’s why we have a John Watson.

captainchesskelly:

badgerdash-cumberquat:

the—superwholockian:

twistedthicket1:

trypophobic-canine:

perks-of-being-chinese:

heroscafe:

everyonesfavoriteging:

my-weeping-angel:

eatsleepcrap:

syd224:

eatsleepcrap:

wincherlockedintardis:

Even with those four numbers there are countless possible combinations. Good luck with figuring out which one is the right one you punk.

*straightens calculator*

It’s pretty likely that it’s a four digit number, and as there are four digits chosen there, that means that there cannot be any repetition. This means that there are:

n!/(n-4)! possible orders. As ‘n’ is 4 (number of digits available). 4!/0! which becomes 4x3x2x1/1 which simplifies to 24. That means that there are 24 possible combinations of codes. This would take you about two or three minutes to input all possible codes.

Unless an alarm goes off if you don’t get it right in 3 tries.

*straightens calculator again*

Kick the door in.

Well ‘technically’ the code is most likley 1970. Statistically, a majority of people, when told to choose a 4 digit code will choose their birth year. And this key pad is obviously a few years old to put it nicely, so that’s most likley it. 

Some Sherlock Holmes just went down over here.

image

No, no, no. Don’t base your deductions of psychology. Let’s talk chemistry. When you first press a button, there’s more of the natural oils on your skin, and therefore it wears down the numbers on the keys faster. Obviously 0 is the first one, then. Try 0791 first.

image

Sherlock out.

Woah.

It got better.

And this is why the Sherlock fandom could either rule the world or end it….

Close, but not quite, I think. People will almost always choose a number they can remember. What’s memorable about 0791? Try 0719 - a birthday, 19th of July. That is more likely.

Those deductions are great and all, but unnecessary.

The light is green.

The door is already open.

And that’s why we have a John Watson.

(via fangirlmode-overloaded)